Farewell, Tanzania

I'm home.

RELIEF
is getting home 24 hours later than expected after spending a full day stuck in the Nairobi airport, and then almost a full day in London. With all my bags (after being transferred from plane to plane an uncountable number of times).

JOY
is coming home to the people I love, hearing voices and seeing faces. Playing a song on the piano, brushing my teeth without using bottled water, taking a warm shower for as long as I want, and eating what I want, when I want it, without it being boiled, cooked, or peeled. Christmas, New Year's, the holiday spirit, and general happiness all around (I can feel it in my fingers...and in my toes...?).

SADNESS
is already missing those left behind, knowing that this life-changing event is over and now I have to move on with my life.

REGRET
is wishing that I could have done more, knowing that I could have, knowing that I didn't.

PRIDE
is knowing that we did make a difference, testing over 700 people, teaching almost 8,000. 700 people who know their status, 8,000 who can protect themselves from the world's deadliest virus.

INSPIRATION
is working with so many talented, dedicated, and motivated people, learning about how an NGO works, how the non-profit world fits in with the rest of the society, and how I can use what I've learned to make the world a better place.

- - - - - -

I made it! Doubters, show yourselves now!

The last week in Marurani was tedious, frustrating, but quite cleansing. As an SIC organization, even in the last week of low energy and lack of motivation, we managed to test several hundred, and teach almost 1,000 people. Walking through the village on the last morning, I felt more comfortable than I've felt in a village at any point. Maybe it was partially my happinness that I was leaving, that the night before was my last (perhaps ever) cockroach infested shower, and that afternoon was my last lunch of rice and beans. But it tells me a lot about how I've grown. I can speak the language (not fluently, but enough), I can walk down the street and feel safe, I know how this society works.

The summer program is only 6 weeks in the village, as opposed to 10. Trust me, it makes a huge difference. Working with SIC for 4 weeks longer allowed us to dig even deeper into the workings of a fledgling NGO, an experience that has undoubtedlty changed my entire outlook on the concept of global charity, and probably steered my future in at least a slightly new direction. Also the extra 4 weeks allow you to absorb the culture that much more. Living in two villages, which seem so similar on some levels, but were actually immensely different, was a much more enriching experience.

It's weird to say that 3 months is life changing. Peace Corps volunteers dedicate 2 years of their lives to their work. Others move around the world helping people for years, decades at a time. And here I am declaring that not even 4 months of work in just one foreign country has left me a changed person. I'm not saying that my outlook on life has changed completely; I'm not going to come back performing tribal African rituals or with a new taste in clothes and music. I haven't changed inherently as a person any more than any 3 month period of someone's life allows them to change. But I will carry these 3 months with me for a long, long time. I will carry the faces of the children we taught, and I will carry the gratitude of the communities we were graciously invited into.

So now it's my responsibility to use all of my experiences to infuse my art for the next who knows how many years of my life. I definitely want to make at least one film somehow related to the to the AIDS pandemic. Maybe a book will come of it? Most certainly some sort of story for a magazine...if I figure out how to shop that around. Not really sure what will be the concrete result, but I know for sure that this experience has left an unforgettable footprint on the rest of my life.

I miss you already, Tanzania. But, wow, it's good to be back.